Like all posts on Beauty and Spice, I am reminded to go back to the drawing board and count the cost of the relationship I am building with my Father…and continue building. Thank you Beauty and Spice for this inspiring post…

I wasn’t born into love. Growing up I was never surrounded by love. I never knew what it meant to be loved. We never talked like a family, didn’t act like one and never ate like one. My parents were total strangers to each other, my father was violent (a classic wife beater), abusive and absent. I have been wounded and broken by my father and for the twenty seven years of my presence here on earth, my dad and I have barely had a decent conversation.

Early this year, one of my new year’s resolutions was to work on my relationship with my father, I made plans do so. I was going to call him and not hang up the phone if he insulted me, I was willing to sacrifice my sleep if it meant praying for him, and in fact I was willing to bear it all, if only I could have a normal relationship with my father. Four months into that resolution I have been doing fairly well, Glory to God, we now can talk on the phone without anger.

All this got me thinking about another resolution I made this same year, to spend more time with God. I have failed at it.  In trying to heal my relationship with my father, I was willing to sacrifice things; things which I wasn’t as willing to sacrifice for more time with God. I never stopped to count the costs.

“Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, saying this fellow began to build and was not able to finish” [Luke 14:28-30, NIV].

Back in boarding school I would give my life to Christ every time the Jesus movie was shown and a few weeks later I was back to my old ways. I wasn’t ready to wake up early (losing extra minutes of sleep) to start my day with God, I wasn’t prepared to share differing views with friends; I wanted to be the old me and still follow Christ.

When we resolve to be closer to God, it is a wonderful thing, but most times we are not prepared for the what is expected of us. We are not prepared to adjust our schedules to make time for God, we do not count the costs and so year in, year out our buildings are never completed.

My relationship with my father has improved because I was willing to work at it. If we are truly sincere about spiritual growth, we need to learn how to make time for a relationship with God. We need to be willing to set out time to pray, willing to lose some sleep, willing to sacrifice food to fast, willing to listen when He speaks and, above all, willing to be a light wherever we are.

If like me your tower is incomplete, if you didn’t sit down first and count the costs, now is the time  for us to do so, may it never be said of us that “This man began to build and was not able to finish”. One thing I know for sure is this that “His grace is sufficient” [II Corinthians 12:9]. It is never too late to count the costs.

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